(Shamelessly ripped off adapted from "How to Stop a Stalker", from Hootenanny 2007.)

A large percentage of those here tonight have siblings. A large percentage of those here tonight have annoying siblings. These two figures are frequently alarmingly similar to each other. Tonight, we will show you how to deal with such annoying siblings.

1: Scenario #1. You are sitting in a Troop court of honor. He is sitting next to you, showing his friends how many pencils he can cram into a single nostril. And he's bothering you.

Now, first, you want to take charge of the situation. Get wrist control. Than, you pull out your gun.

2: He's afraid of the gun.

1: Scenario #2. You are at Scoutland. Again. He is demonstrating knots to his patrol. By tying you to a tree. And he's bothering you. You're going to want to act fast here. Get wrist control! And you pull out your gun. By the way, we're using a Super Soaker MX80 here. The whole principle operates kinda like training a cat.

1: Scenario #3. You and your brother are home alone. You are eating lunch quietly in the dining room. He is sitting at the other end of the table, drinking his milk. Loudly. And he's bothering you. This is a tad more complex. You're going to want to slide across the table, leap over him, and get wrist control. Than, you pull out your gun.

1: Scenario #4. It's 10pm at night. You are sitting in your room doing homework. He is directly over you, on the second floor, sleeping quietly in his own bed. And he's bothering you. Now, he's started locking his door at night, so you'll have to climb out the window, shinny up the handy vine, and open his window from the outside. You may need a screwdriver to pry the it open. Right, so you're inside the darkened room now. He's undoubtedly going to be surprised when he wakes up, so what are you going to do?

Audience: Get wrist control!

1: And than...

Audience: Pull out your gun!

We hope tonight's demonstration has helped show you how sibling rivalry can be dealt with in a handy two-step process. Tune in next week to find out how /your/ side of the story is always the one that gets heard.

3: Moooomm!