The cast

1 – Fearless leader

2 – A Shakespeare lover

3 – Gollum

4 – A bear, and then a car driver.

The party walks to the center of the stage and stops. 2 is wearing a backpack

2 strikes a dramatic pose

2: Alas! We are lost in the woods!

1: Be quiet! You aren't helping things any. You ate all our food, Gollum ate our map...

3: Stupid Scoutses! Hates them both! Hates them all!

2: Are we there yet? Mine feet hath become as stones.

3: Stupid rock-footed Scoutses.

1: Fine. We'll stop.

2 sets down his backpack. On Gollum's foot.

2: Grah! Our foots! They hurts, they does!

Gollum kicks 3's backpack

2: Knowest thou not? That knapsack contains fine china!

2 opens his backpack and pulls out a broken cup

2: Alas, my mother's dinnerware. I knew thee well.

1: Seriously. Get a mess kit already!

2: No need. We will all starve and die!

1: Look! A bear!

2: We will all die without starving!

3: Graaaaah!

Gollum tackles the bear, wrestles it to the ground, and starts punching it.

1: You killed it!

2: It is dead. Huzzah! We will now continue to starve to death.

3: Food!

2: Food?

1: Of course! With his highly developed survival skills, Gollum can gut the bear, prepare the meat, and get us enough food to get back to camp with!

2: He is pulling guts out of the bear and eating them like spaghetti.

1: Ewww. Stop that!

3: Grrrr. Gollum's bear! Gollum's food! His! Mine!

2 strikes his dramatic pose again.

The bear crawls off inconspicuously at some point here.

2: Never mind what I said earlier. We will starve!

1: Wait! Whats that?

Gollum sniffs the air like a dog and growls.

2: It appears to be some sort of marvelous transportation device completely unrelated to the aforementioned bear.

1: It's a car! We're saved! Try to signal to it! Make it stop!

2 does the hitchhiking symbol. Gollum tries to make it honk.

4: Hello!

3: Grrr...

4: Is that thing trained? Backing away

1: No, no, it's perfectly alright.

Gollum starts growling.

Gollum chases 4 offstage. 1 and 2 follow, trying to stop the driver.