Good evening, class! Welcome to "physics for the truly demented and insane"! Bwahahaha! *cough* Ahem.

You are here today because you hate your life. That's not unreasonable. I do also.

What's this? A student in the back is already asleep. Good man! Help the curve for the others. They'll need it. *twitch*

This section will become a blot on your GPA, your transcript records, and your life.

I'll take questions now.

Didn't someone else used to teach this course?

Knouse. Ten years ago. Next!

How will homework be assigned?

LOOOOONNNN-CAAPPPPAA.

Nooooooo!

Muhahahaha! Next question.

Person in front waves hand wildly. Professor ignores him.

Yoooouuu… In the back. On the third balcony. No, not you, the gentleman to your right. Your question?

Is it too late to transfer?

Yes. Next? No one? Good!

For the rest of the period, I will ramble on about completely unrelated topics, I will hand out your first test, and you will fail. It will be beautiful! Beautiful, I say!

For my first example, I will draw a free body diagram of Asia.

Brainstorm

- TI-89 flinging

- The magic hat grading scheme.